Ravaging continues...

Context: I come home to JG drinking red wine.
Me: I see you have upgraded. Red wine is good for heart.
JG: I am having some heartburns, man. That is why I having red wine.
It was too premature or too late, for his level and brand of English, to introduce him to the term ‘gastroesophageal reflux’. So, I took the best way out.
Me: You taken a good decision, man. You smart.

Context: I hear some metallic noise from JG’s room. I come to see him wresting with the wall-mounted heater.
Me: What are you doing?
JG: Handle not working, man.
Me: You have a handle on your heater?
JG: (Pointing to the knob) This.
Me: What is the problem?
JG: I twist and twist but heater no onning.
Me: Heater no what??
JG: No onning, man, not becoming hot.
Me: Ohh…you should talk to the management rather than trying out tricks.
I can picture JG talking to his love interest, "Baby, you have me onning!"

Context: I rant about how my AD account was locked since I entered the password wrong thrice.
JG: You have trouble loginning?
Me: Once in a while I forget my passowrd, but not in the long innings.
JG: Me not telling for cricket, me telling about AD. You have trouble loginning.
Me: No, only language trouble, no for loginning.
JG: You change language to English from Danish. I have no trouble with English.
Me: That is pretty evident, JG.

Context: JG is drunk, I have no idea whether it is beer or red wine. He calls me and shows me some pictures from his college days. I notice one guy standing next to him in almost all pictures and I ask about him.
JG: He was my best friend until we had a lot of drinks and I slept with him.
Me: You slept with him?
JG: Yes, he my room mate, man. I sleep with him everyday. Then we fight one day, big fight.
Me (instinctively moving out of his arm's reach): You fought about what?
JG (nostalgically): Who better performing.
Me (unable to conceal my surprise): What!?
JG: Better performing in studies, man. Why you shouting?
Just to be on the safer side, before sleeping, I block the door of my room with a chair.

Context: I got a pack of 30 eggs and was trying to open it.
JG: Is it hardly packed?
Me: Au contraire, it is tightly packed.
JG: Aur kaun bolega…I say first time only it is packed hardly.
I think he meant ‘hard to open’.

Context: I open our room door and immediately recognize the eucalyptus smell. I ask JG if he is okay.
JG: I sleep late.
Me: True
JG: Yesterday night, I sleep late.
Me: I see.
JG: You see me before day night also when I sleep late?
Me: Huh…you lost me there. I see what when day night?
JG: Today Monday, yesterday Sunday. Saturday night you see me sleep late?
Me: No, you fool, I sleep earlier than you. How I see?
JG: Then why you say you see me sleep late that day night, man?
Me: I am trying very hard not to wring your neck. Don’t tempt me further.
JG: You say you see me sleep late that day night but you don’t really see. You want to break my neck. You know what you talking?
Me: No. Can I have some pain balm?

And his life still goes on, till I really give in to the temptation.